Where I am… by Neil Lawrence

I had a nightmare.

I had a nightmare that when events no longer remind me about mortality and the propensity I have to be violent as well as compassionate, I will be no different.

I had a nightmare I forgot to be thankful for health.

I had a nightmare that instead of being content I frantically returned to defining what is ‘normal’ for myself and others.

I had a nightmare that instead of attending to changing myself I continued to point fingers at others and accuse them of what I cannot bare within.

I had a nightmare that whilst ferociously trying to promote myself, I forgot to listen to the needs of colleagues and the worlds dilemma’s and sorrows.

That I denied my own prejudice and forgot to guard against it.

That I used toxic behaviour as a reason to justify my own pain.

That instead of learning to appreciate, I continued with a stony heart.

That instead of uncovering the purpose of news reports and social media posts, I blindly accepted them.

That I forgot to ask ‘why?’

So….?

must meditate for a better sense of self and the world around me.

must close my mouth and listen deeply to the life of others.

must connect to the experiences of others without seeing them as a reflection of my own.

must seek out new ways to support and love self and others.

must vigorously pursue work that pays the bills but also benefits my own soul and that of my clients.

I must laugh more.

I must check in with loved ones.

I must keep a playful and tender heart.

I must grow.

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